As many of you know, we are expecting our rainbow baby May 18th! (If you don't know, surprise! You can watch our announcement video here) This little babe is coming after a pretty bad storm, I miscarried my sweet little girl, Peyton on October 7th, 2017. I found out I was pregnant with Banks Christmas Eve of that year and then on May 23rd, 2018, delivered his sweet, sleeping body. We've had a rough go this last year and a half and this special little baby is just the blessing we need. When I miscarried Peyton, it was hard to tell people about it since they didn't even know I was expecting. It was hard with Banks too, since everybody knew about him. Loss is hard in general. But what I've learned from it all is that talking helps. I'd be lying if I didn't tell you I'm an anxious wreck during this pregnancy. Every time I use the restroom, I expect to find blood and get an instant relief to see none. So, I want to talk. If nothing else, than to get my thoughts down somewhere. I want to celebrate this little baby with all my might, but I am so scared to. What if things don't end well like the last few times? But what if they do? There was nothing that showed up in any of the tests my doctor ran that would effect future pregnancies. I don't want this sweet little addition to be "left out" in celebrating as much as I had with it's siblings. I keep a baby blog for all my kids and share weekly updates from bump to birth to their month markers and end it at their first birthday - which then gets printed as their baby book. (If you're curious, you can read it here) But for those that don't follow it or are on my personal page, I thought it'd be nice to do a run down of the first trimester. - Especially nice because I'm out of the worst trimester ever! Haha!

     As soon as I was 6 weeks postpartum I started working out 3 times a week and counting my macros. I wanted to loose as much baby weight as I could before I got pregnant again. The day I gave birth to Banks I was 144 lbs. The day I found out I was pregnant I weighed in at 129. I had made a (silly, but something to shoot for) goal of trying to get back in the 120's before next baby. During my pregnancies I have no problem gaining weight, and as my nurse once put it I had gained a, "healthy amount" - aka, you can stop now. Ha. I didn't want to balloon out of control. I wanted to be as healthy as I could for my next baby. 

September 9th, 2018 - 4 weeks, 4 days

     I found out I was pregnant on September 9th. It was so scary to see the date approaching on my calendar on when my monthly visitor was supposed to show. I was scared to take the test. I was scared it would be negative and I was scared it would be positive. But as I watched the little blue lines appear I felt an instant relief wash over me. I remember thinking, "here we go again." Danny was at work when I took the test. All my other babies I have waited until he got home to show him some cute little announcement. This time I couldn't wait - so I called him at work and told him the good news. 

Weeks five, six and seven were filled with hope as I planned out the theme of baby's updates; a rainbow. I also began thinking of ideas and story boarding the announcement video. It's hard thinking of new ideas when this is your fourth kid in two years! I thought I'd have more time in-between to get creative. 

8 weeks

     At eight weeks we still hadn't announced it yet (I like to wait for the first ultrasound to use in my videos) With this being my fourth pregnancy, my body sure knows what to do! Ha! Most of that is bloat, but until we told everyone, I had to choose my outfit for the day wisely. At this point I still haven't thrown up yet. Which was a miracle. I had been nauseous - but only first thing when I woke up and if I didn't stay on top of eating. The main thing that hit me this pregnancy was the fatigue! I never experienced it this bad with my others! I would get 8+ hours a night and still need to take an hour or two nap in the middle of the day. And this is coming from someone who never napped before!

     During week nine we had our first ultrasound and filmed our announcement video! It felt so good to tell everyone and have them be so excited for us! As the weeks went on and baby grew from a blackberry to a strawberry I was able to hush any anxious doubt with the help of my sister in law, Mindi. We have similar stories of loss and grew even closer during Banks' arrival. She lent me her doppler. It is the most sweetest sound to hear that little thump-thump of a steady heartbeat. It brings me back and helps remind me that every pregnancy is different. It's funny how something so small can bring so much hope. 

     Twelve weeks. Still super fatigued and I've gained a weird loss in my depth perception for a few days, but the morning sickness is only there if I am late a meal. Daylight savings really messed that one up for me. I am so excited to start hitting these milestones in the pregnancy. I think that once I hit 26 weeks I'll be able to relax a little more. 

     Thirteen Weeks! I made it out of the first trimester! Baby is the sign of a lemon. And with all my kids I have stopped feeling like trash as soon as I hit thirteen weeks. So far this kid is following suit with it's siblings! (Which momma is so thankful for!) 

     Pregnancy is already such a scary, uncertain thing - throw in a few losses and a rainbow baby and it's enough to turn you into an anxious mess. Thankfully I have the best friends and family who check up on me. I also have established a safe place where I can write and let out all of my worries and fears. I already love this little gummy bear so much. Thanks for reading my rambles.