Motherhood in and of itself is hard. It's not just a simple, cut and dry thing, it looks different on everyone. For me, it's juggling my own business while raising my boys and trying to keep my dogs from barking so loud that the neighbors complain. It's trying to meal plan and only successfully cooking dinner about half of the time. It's wanting to host parties and playdates spontaneously, but being mortified at the amount of cleaning that needs to get done. It's a lot of give and take. But it's what I choose. After having Jones, I took a while to start taking on shoots regularly. Looking back now, I realize I was dealing with a lot of baby blues that I just attributed to being tired. My first paid shoot after Fields was when he was almost two months old, but even then I couldn't wait that long. I planned my cousin's belated senior pictures when Fields was just a month old. As much as I love my babies, I needed that hour out of the house, in nature, creating art. I'm a better mom when I work. When I get to express my creativity and help capture people in real life. Just like with my photography, I don't do a lot of intense edits. I believe in documenting how things are in real life. Which is why I try and keep it pretty real around here. As a result, this list was born. 

- Deadlines aren't always met. (Like this post for example, it was supposed to go out yesterday, but with a cranky 3 year old from family pictures the day before and a teething 3 month old, work got put on hold.)

- Dinner isn't always made, or eaten at a normal hour. 

- My house isn't always as clean as I'd like it. (Don't even get me started on laundry!)

- Sometimes my roles overlap (Currently nursing Fields at my desk as I type this.)

- I only book four shoots a month to ensure I'm not spending too much time away from my family.

- My prices are my prices because I only book four shoots a month

- It's a constant cycle of feeling guilty for working and then feeling guilty for not working.

- I always show up later than I plan to a shoot because I always have to get just one more kiss from my kids.

- If it's been too long between shoots I start to get irritable 

- I hate doing my taxes, marketing, and everything else that comes with owning your own business

- I've outsourced most of it so that I don't have to do it all

- As hard as it all is, to be able to switch roles and still maintain my house, my kids and my business, I'd do it all again.

     Working has become my outlet. A chance to create and let off steam, to have adult conversations and meet new people. It helps structure my life and provide (somewhat) of a routine. It allows me to fight off my PPD and find new ways to add growth to my life. So sure, we may not eat Pinterest worthy meals every night, blog posts get pushed to launch a day late, and I can guarantee there will be puppy hair in at least one of the corners of my house. But for all the mess and hassle, I'm a better mom for being able to work and play at home.