Of all the things I have photographed, this may be the hardest. 

     I've known Xanthe for about as long as I've lived in Utah. She's the same age as one of my younger brothers. In fact, she, her sister, and my sisters were some of my first subjects to shoot in Utah. I took her senior pictures and about two months ago I got to take her family pictures. Xanthe and Bryant have the cutest trio of boys. Without going into too much detail, Kayden, their oldest has a twin brother who lives in Heaven. Their youngest brother, Maverik is only a few months old. Kayden is such a bright, happy light for all who come in contact with him. He is fiercely loved by his parents. He is the biggest fighter, but after a long and tiresome battle, Kayden will be returning home to Heaven and to his brother. 

     Xanthe made a quick Facebook post on Sunday, the 29th of September, that Kayden was being put on Hospice. My heart broke and I wept for this sweet family. Memories of losing my own son came flooding back, and the feelings of grief and empathy clouded my thoughts. Within an hour of finding out the news I had messaged Xanthe, asking if I could come over the next day to photograph her sweet family. When I lost Banks, having all the pictures of him that I had taken became such a treasure. You feel so helpless watching a child suffer, I wanted to help, and pictures were the best way I knew how to. 

     Monday came and I arrived at their house. I knew I had the right home thanks to the "Oxygen in Use" sign posted on their front window. I was worried I was going to be a wreck, but the second I walked into their home I was met with a wall of love. It was such a peaceful, intimate experience to document what has been their everyday normal. The love that radiated off of each family member was contagious. I prayed that I would be able to tell their story and deliver beautiful photos they would treasure. After we were done photographing and we talked as I packed away my gear. Not wanting to leave, to be able to do more, but at the same time, an overwhelming urge to rush home to my babies and snuggle them tight. We said our goodbyes and I silently wept the whole way home. 

     I am so thankful that I was able to provide this service to the Hair family. Kayden passed away peacefully in his sleep on Saturday, October 5th. If you wish to help, they have set up a GoFundMe page to help aid in the costs of a funeral. The Hair family is also taking donations via Venmo (@Xanthe-Hair) and Paypal. Thank you for taking the time to read this post.